Distorted
by Kusahime
Summary: You will see yourself reflected in my eyes like the distorted figure upon water and know…how distorted I will become. For you, only for you. Your hate, your pain, your anger they fuel me they give me reason to breath.


**Distorted **

His smile was like a drug, potent, addicting. It was rare seeing that glow of happiness on his face and it irritated me that I was not the cause, I could only grit my teeth and seethe in anger at the man who long ago had my gratitude but only fostered my hatred now. How did it come to this? How distorted was I going to allow myself become? I had no cares, I didn't give a damn about anything but him. My life was just something to hang onto as long as I saw him, as long as Misaki smiled.

My entire existence was bathed in lies, lies I could hardly keep going. I would wither from his friendly touches, an arm around my shoulder, a pat on my back, he destroyed me every time he breathed next to me and my irritation and love grew. What I became was this, this ball of frustration, an irrational mess that could only hide behind an expressionless guise and façade. I was his partner, his most trusted person but such a weak bond between us would never outshine the bond he had with _him_. I was not only ruled by my anger but also my jealousy, I was jealous that his smile was not mine alone, that his touches were not mine alone but most of all I was jealous of how his eyes lit up every time he glanced at _him. _

I despised Mikoto, his entire being made my blood boil and my gut churn. _Our precious leader_, _Our Red_ _King_, I gave not one fuck about his status nor his power I wanted his entire existence to vanish! I wanted him gone and not a trace of him left within anyone's memories. I could feel my façade slipping and I knew sooner or later he would find out how I felt, how much I had changed and how twisted I had become all because I loved him. I wasn't a soul that knew what kindness was, I was dark and sickening on the inside but he was different. Misaki even with his tough guy exterior, brash openness and loudness he was kind.

He was simplistic in his way of thinking and it made me tremble watching his innocent blushes of embarrassment and childish behaviour when met with something that messed with his set morals as he saw them. He was in a gang but he had the heart of a innocent child and it made me weak to know he was a mixture of both the light and the darkness, Misaki was perfection. I wanted his praise, I wanted his admiration, I wanted his eyes to look on my and come to life yet Mikoto was the one who received all I wanted.

I despised him!

I loathed him!

Why was I not him…?

Why didn't Misaki look at me?

I was weak and It seemed Misaki knew it. Mikoto was all he could see he had overwhelming power, he was a king and I was a lowly follower. I knew I had to change where we both stood and how we saw things, I would show him! I would make Misaki look at me, I would become something he would look at! He would watch me and only me and Mikoto would no longer overwhelm his world!

The look in his eyes as I burnt the mark on my skin to nothing but blackness gave me a rush of happiness. Mikoto would never see this face, he would never see the look of utter pain and betrayal in those eyes, the look of raw hatred and fury and he would never see those tears. Everything was mine and _**mine**_ only.

Misaki's words were like a knife, sign of our pride? Who gave a fuck about pride? I lost that a long time ago, I lost everything within me except his existence and he would soon learn that. Just watch me with those hate filled eyes, those eyes filled with the pain of betrayal. Watch me with those eyes I so long for as I gain power as I become something no one has ever seen, I'll show you my love, I'll show you how distorted I can become and then you will understand.

Misaki

Misaki

Misaki

You will see yourself reflected in my eyes like the distorted figure upon water and know…how distorted I have become. For you, only for you. Your hate, your pain, your anger they fuel me they give me reason to breath.

Fight me!

Destroy me!

Give in to me!

Watch me!

Hate me!

If only I had your love, if only I had your smile then this crushing weight in my heart would be so easier to bare. Now all I have are the feelings only I can rip from you, like the finger marks in my skin, the scars and the pain. What I want only you can give to me nothing else matters as long as you see me.

_**Misaki**_

I'll show you just how distorted my love has made me, I'll show you how sick I have become. Will you love me then? Love me even within all your hatred? Will you understand then? How fucked up this emotion has made me?

_**Misaki….**_

_**I love you….**_

This is my form of love, would you understand? Could you understand? I pull my hair and breathe deeply through these tears I would never show to anyone as I tremble, your name on my lips as I fall deeper and deeper into this insanity that is my love for you. Do not be fooled by my arrogant smirk or my eyes that tell nothing but lies.

_**Misaki**_

I no longer understand myself, my spiral is deadly, I love you so much that I am unable to stand it! As I break myself apart my distorted reflection is all that remains.

_**Misaki**_

_**Misaki**_

_**Misaki**_

_**I love you….**_

**AN: I really love this pairing! I feel like I can understand Fushimi's feelings by his behaviour alone, I love his character so much! **


End file.
